I used to use this blog as a place to share my deepest thoughts and emotions, but lately I've strayed away from that. I don't really know why though. Honestly I think I just got a little freaked out about the whole thing and started to feel very vulnerable. It was weird knowing that I was completely opening up to strangers, as well as my closest friends. I also had a hard time sharing everything, knowing that the people that were affecting my life the most were most likely going to read it. Not like I had bad things to say about them, just personal things. In addition, I was afraid people would get on this blog and read stuff that they would judge me for before they even got to know me.
For example, me having a brain tumor. If you've been a follower of mine from the beginning, you may have noticed that I did a couple posts on that whole experience. But if you're new to my blog, this is the first mentioning of that tumor that you will be able to find because I deleted the old posts. As I said before, I was scared of being judged by my cover. For example, let's say I meet a boy. I like boy and he likes me. He gets on my facebook and sees that I have a blog. He clicks on the blog and before seeing anything else about me, sees that I had a brain tumor. Automatically boy becomes uninterested because he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone that may have cancer or other health issues. (Just for the record, the tumor was benign and I am perfectly healthy today).
Now first off, that story did not really happen (at least that I know of). It was just a hypothetical situation that I made up. I know that you may be saying that I shouldn't want to date a guy like that anyway, but honestly, if you put yourself in their shoes, could you blame them for being afraid of getting into a relationship with someone that may have or have had health issues? I personally can't say I wouldn't.
Anyway, the point of all this is that if I didn't blog about that stuff, the boy would never know about those personal things until it was the right time to share it with him...after he had gotten to know the real me first.
So where is the line? Where is the balance? How can I be personal, yet not too personal? I feel like I either have to be all or nothing, but that's not what I want. You, my readers, are my friends. Even those of you I've never met, I still care about you too, which is why I don't know how to find the right balance of what to tell you, and what to keep to myself.
Sorry, just something I've been thinking about....I'd love to hear any of your thoughts on this in the comments below. Thanks :)
